Maybe I should quit posting here... I like my livejournal too much. Besides, I can always manually move my older posts...
What do you think? Keep both, or just the Lj account?
What do you do when you think you've given something your all, but it still wasn't good enough?
1) You haven't really given your best effort. You didn't try hard enough, so you try harder next time.
But what if next time, it still doesn't measure up?2) Continue giving the same amount of effort. Accept the fact that you've found your limit.
But how do you know if you've found it? What if the limit does not exist?3) Stop trying altogether, and let the world go HANG.
We just had our compa ana lab exam a while ago. Although I studied my butt off until 3am last night (night? morning?), I still kept on having superb mental blocks, so much so that I even sometimes forgot which skeleton belonged to which animal (let alone its minute parts!). Needless to say, I didn't do as well as expected; everything went fine as I reviewed the pictures and terms on paper, but the real skeletons (and the time limit) was a different challenge altogether. And this is just the skeletal system; there'll be OODLES more terms to memorize once we get to the other systems (especially the muscular and circulatory sistem). Oh joy.
That said, why am I even trying so hard? Is a number on a piece of paper worth my psychological well-being and happiness? I feel like such a nerd, what with my grade-consciousness and all, but I really can't help it. I really wish that I could just ignore people's expectations of me (myself included) and say HAKUNA MATATA, but something inside me prevents me from doing so at the last minute.
It's like having Multiple Personality Disorder (also known, to those who took the psych elective at St. Paul 2 years ago, as dissociative disorder). One of the personalities is a lazy, devil-may-care procrastinator, while another is a merciless mental slave driver. I don't know; is it conscience (wow, I actually have one? harhar)...
My motto once was "don't settle for mediocrity". But mediocrity gets more and more attractive every day. Reaching a goal means achievement and fulfillment, but the bar keeps getting raised higher and higher. It will never be enough. When will it ever stop?
I'm so tired of trying.I wonder what it's like to live Homer Simpson's life?
Tagged by
Maiqui:
(1) Where did you go to school?
THEN: I wasn't going to school yet.
NOW: Ateneo de Manila University
(2) Where did you work?
THEN: I wasn't working then.
NOW: Ateneo, coz studying is really HARD WORK. Hahaha.
(3) Where did you live?
THEN: In a small townhouse in Mandaluyong City.
NOW: In a galaxy far, far away.
(4) How was your hairstyle?
THEN: Apple cut (did anyone ever go through childhood without having one?)
NOW: Short again after five years of excruciatingly long hair.
(5) Did you wear braces?
THEN: No.
NOW: Yes. :(
(6) Did you wear contacts?
THEN: No.
NOW: No.
(7) Did you wear glasses?
THEN: No.
NOW: No.
(8) Who was your best friend/s?
THEN: Mom, Aemie and Gian
NOW: Mom, Aemie, Gabs and L2. :D
(9) Which of your pets were still alive?
THEN: My white and fluffy robotic toy dog. It was alive in my imagination. :)
NOW: Raj, more destructive than any pet I could ever have.
(10) Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend?
THEN: None.
NOW: None.
(11) Who was your celebrity crush?
THEN: I can't remember if I had one.
NOW: Brandon Boyd! :D
(12) Who was your regular-person crush?
THEN: My neighbor. Harharhar.
NOW: Some cute guys here and there. There are a lot of them in Ateneo. ;)
(13) How many piercings did you have?
THEN: 2.
NOW: 2.
(14) How many tattoos did you have?
THEN: None.
NOW: None.
(15) What was your favorite band/singer?
THEN: Donna Cruz
(You are the sunshine in my life...) and whoever sang "The Greatest Love of All"
NOW: Incubus, Smashing Pumpkins, Urbandub. Looking at the difference between then and now, you could see that somewhere along the line I lost the naivete. Disillusionment, anyone?
(16) Had you smoked cigarettes?
THEN: Nope.
NOW: Nope. Hopefully I never will.
(17) Had you gotten drunk?
THEN: Nope.
NOW: Tipsy, but not stone drunk.
(18) Had you DRIVEN?
THEN: Uh...a kiddie car? :D
NOW: Yes!
(19) If so which car?
THEN: The kiddie car. It was green, steel, and manual (i.e. it ran on MANPOWER). Hehehe.
NOW: Some Toyota car at the driving lessons center. This time, it was manual in the proper sense of the word.
(20) Looking back, are you where you thought you would be in 2006?
I honestly don't know if I thought that much about my future back then (I was one year old 15 years ago, for crying out loud). But then again, I think that where I am right now is where I should be. So no regrets here. At least, no major ones. :D
(21) Who do you want to take this test?
Everyone who reads this (if they haven't taken it yet). Yes, YOU.
I suddenly have this liking for old school rock bands of the bygone decades. Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Smashing Pumpkins, Guns n' Roses, Radiohead...all of these sound much better than many of today's popular rock bands. I don't want to name names, but they really are saturating the hit lists of MTV and various radio stations. All they do is strum some repetitive power chords, write angsty lyrics about their ex-girlfriends and BLAM! you now have a song which can legitimize their rocker-dude image.
I want something different and more complex than that; I want songs with killer guitar solos, complex and layered harmonies, weird instruments other than the guitar (like church bells, turntables, African drums...), and lyrics that actually have something interesting and meaningful to say. I guess I found those qualities in the songs of 80s-90s hard rock bands. I would have liked 70s rock too - like AC/DC, Led Zeppelin, etc. - if their songs didn't sound a little like country music to my Asian ears, although their guitar work is memorable.
I found a lot of great old songs in my blast to the past (courtesy of Limewire and Amazon.com). My favorites are:
Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit, In Bloom, The Man Who Sold The World
Pearl Jam - Garden, Alive
Guns n' Roses - Sweet Child of Mine, November Rain
Smashing Pumpkins - I of the Mourning, 1979, Stand Inside Your Love, Cherub Rock, Today
Radiohead - Paranoid Android, Let Down, Just
I wish I could've heard them sooner; but then again, back then I was happily caught up on whatever the Spice Girls and Backstreet Boys served up. If you ever want to take a break from today's mainstream, listen to these bands. They blew the crap out of my mind, hehe. ;)
And oh yeah: the Smashing Pumpkins are now one of my favorite favorite bands, second only to Incubus. :D I love their combination of electronica + dream pop + heavy metal. Can anyone buy me the Siamese Dream and Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness cds? Pleeeease?
This was an exchange between my two lovable and precious siblings at dinner: Tammy-chan and my little bro Raj.
Tam: Raj! How are you?
Raj:....
Tam: What is Raj doing?
Raj: Raj eat.
Tam: Raj eat with....?
Raj: Raj eat with Ate Tam.
Tam: Very good Raj!
Raj: ....
Tam: Raj! Where's Mama?
Raj: No spilling!
Tam: Raj, no! Raj, where's mama?
Raj: Mama........ go America!
Tam: Yeah, mama go America!
Raj: Raj go America later! Raj eat na!
Tam: Uhhh, okaaaay....
Raj: Raj go America, eat Mcdo, KFC, and Jollibee!
Tam: De lang, walang Jollibee as US ah...
Raj: Raj watch Deal.... or no deal!
Tam: Okay Raj! I love you Raj!
Raj: I love you Raj!
Tam: Raj, you say "I love you Ate Tam!"
Raj: I love you Ate Tam!I got this from Tam because I wasn't at home yet when they ate dinner. Sad really; I seem to go home late more and more often (due to lab). If I am home early, I'm too busy studying to talk to, let alone eat with, my siblings. And here I am supposed to be a responsible ate.
Anyway, whenever we talk to Raj about America, he only says two things: One, that Mom is there; Two, that he will eat fast food once he gets there. Bless him; I dread the day when we'll have to put him on a 12-hour plane flight. Funny the way an innocent mind works; I wish I had that clean a slate so I'd have a carefree "hakuna matata" attitude.
Anyway, conversations like this prove that my brother has a ONE-TRACK MIND, especially when it comes to food and vanity. Boys will be boys.
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Compa Ana Lec long exam tomorrow. I'm scared; I have 8+ hours worth of lecture recordings and 6 powerpoint handouts to review. I really really wish I had a photographic memory. Nucleous pulposus; sebaceous glands; acanthostega gumari; archaeopteryx... This is information overload to the nth level.
And I thought the worms in Zoology (Wuchereria bancrofti? Macracanthorhynchus hirudinaceus?) and the frog organ systems (latissimus dorsi? buccal cavity?) last year were hard. Turns out, they're actually EASY AS PIE compared to this.
God help us.
I think Italy deserved their win. Really. They showed that they were a strong team in both the group and final stages. It's impressive how they won despite the match-fixing scandals threatening to demote the top football clubs in their country. But I hoped France would win if only to send Zidane's career off on a high note (it'd also be my indirect revenge to Italy coz they painfully beat Germany in the semis).
Alas, there was the Headbutt from Hell. I guess the whole world is now obsessed with what exactly Materazzi said to Zidane to make him react so violently. Hell, I've even read somewhere that the media people are employing expert lip-readers to decipher the headbutt footage. Anyway, the headbutt will really cost him a lot; far from ending a brilliant career on a high note (a loss, but a dignified one), his headbutting will live on in infamy.
Then again, that's one way to make a legend. Already the French people consider Zidane a myth, and their loyalty to him has only been reinforced by the headbutt scandal.
A lot of football luminaries said their goodbyes after the World Cup ended. Other than Zidane, there's Thuram (France), Luis Figo and Pauleta (Portugal), Oliver Kahn (Germany). Coaches of more than half the teams, including Lippi of Italy and Klinsmann of Germany, are also retiring.
Anyway, after all is said and done, Germany 2006 was a great show (haha, take that, Brazil!). I can't wait for South Africa 2010!
I posted Germany pictures on my Multiply:
http://stephiedoo.multiply.com/photos/album/9.
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Courtesy of our newly-bought broadband router (linksys, Php3500), I am now connected wirelessly to the net. Yahooooooo! :D
Mom left for the States last Monday at 10am, and she won't be coming back for a year. The house feels strangely empty now she's gone. I have to restrain myself from looking for her every time I get home from school. It's funny how human nature only lets us realize how vitally important a person is in our lives after she's gone.
But I'm not too sad. Since this is the second time that she'll be gone, we're all emotionally prepared for it. Even Raj knows how to say "America" once we ask him where Mom is, although I doubt he even comprehends the concept of another country thousands of miles away from home. This time around, I'm not too scared of stepping up to the extra plate of responsibilities. Even Dad comes home earlier now (last Tuesday he got home at 8:30pm, which was really disorienting). Besides, come next year we'll have our dual citizenships; Raj can seek better therapy, Tam and I can easily get scholarships abroad, and the future will look just peachy.
Two years without Mom is a small price to pay for the rest of our lives happily and comfortably together. A small price, but painful to pay nonetheless.
I'll miss you, Mom. :(
-----
This is from Tammy's Multiply, posted some time after Mom left:
Today is probably one of the saddest days of my whole life. Probably even sadder than the last day of Trumpets (although masmasaya un, since I didn't breakdown in school every after 5 minutes, but enough about that).
As you'd probably know, today is July 10. Hurray. So many requirements, so little time. But today's highlight isn't about that.
Today, I go to school with a mother, and I go home without one. (Ona pangit na)
She was the first one that I saw when I woke up this morning, because, uhm, she was the one who woke me up. I asked her the day before if she can bring me to school, so that I'll have a memory of her before she... you know. We left the house at around 6 am. Pretty weird, actually. I was still thinking that when I come home, she'll be there. Stupid me.
I was pretty silent they whole time, except for the occasional coughing. I kept thinking all those times when I was still in the 1st year, when I had to struggle without her. I kept thinking of how much fun my life actually became with her around, and that I never really saw it until she left. And now, that again, she, um.... you know, I have only begun realizing how much she really means to me.
When we were already near the school, she gave me something that really really made my heartstrings tug. It was a gift, FOR ME, for MY birthday, since she won't be able to be here again for my birthday. I was touched, not because of how cute my gift was (not telling you what it is!), but because of the fact that she remembered how sad I was because of that fact. And for the first time after a whole month, I cried over something that had made an impact in my life.
So, she wiped my tears for the last time, and hugged me for what seemed like minutes. I was too reluctant to let go, and I could have sworn I felt my heart trying to burst at that moment. But alas, I had to let go. It was the only way.
So, together with my school books and some bits of dignity left, I finally gathered the courage to finally let go of her. I went out the car, and inside the campus.
And that was the last that I saw of my mother.
Right now, I'm actually finding it hard (again!) to type. I cannot count how many times I broke down and cried today. Maybe, I'll never know. There's this voice inside my head that tells me to be strong, but yet, my heart refuses, and is slowly tearing apart... again.
But wherever you may be right now, even if you are halfway across the world, you will always be with me in my heart. Even if you're not beside me, I can still feel you. I will try to be strong for you, and I will do my best to make you proud.
Right now, the reason I exist is for YOU. :)
Wherever you may go, whatever you may do, always remeber: I will always love you mom. :)
(I actually made this in an hour, since I had to go out and get some air for my red puffy eyes. Great.)
Currently Listening to: The electric fan
Currently thinking: I already miss you. :(-----
This was my reply, posted on the same Multiply page. It's by far the longest comment on any page I've ever seen:
Wow chan, I never knew you had it in you to be so senti and EMO. That post read almost like one of those tearjerker novels I hate so much.
Haha just kidding. :D
Yes, Mom will be gone for a year (again). Yes, Mom won't be here for your 14th birthday. Yes, we won't have any girl-bonding/shopping weekends anymore. Yes, she won't be able to guide you through your second year. And yes, the one person who guides, protects, and loves you the most in the whole wide world is GONE.
Sad, isn't it? Makes you wanna cry, huh?
BUT...
It's only for a year. She won't be gone forever. Before you know it, she'll be back. We've been through this before, and we can wait again. I didn't say a nice goodbye to Mom on Monday morning because I know that we're gonna see each other again soon enough (besides, I'm a cranky morning person and I was running late for school). Besides, what's two years compared to the rest of our lives?
Anyway, like what your friends here said: never count the days. Instead, just focus on your studies and your Trumpets and your other whatevers, like Mom would want you to. Responsibility is the key word here - that word really really sucks...I hate it myself! *sigh*) - not just in school but in the house. Though granted I'm not as nice and sweet as Mom, I'll try and fill her shoes in taking charge of the house and caring for Raj. It's a big responsibility and I need you to help me. So yeah, I'll really be sure to get the nagging part right. :D
It's true that no one can ever take Mom's place, be it your friends or your siblings. But don't sit on your ass and wail like a baby just because she's away. Besides, I bet Mom wouldn't want us to wallow in melodramatic sadness and self-pity either. She trusts us enough to let us (the family) function without her temporarily, and that's what we're gonna do.
A great man named Arnold Schwarzenegger once said, "I'll be back!" (complete with accent). And Mom will. In the meantime, let's just suck it up, shall we? :)
Your loving, Charo. Este, Onee-chan. :)-----
That's right, I now play the role of universal comforter, consoler, motivator, shoulder to cry on, etc. etc. It's one of the job requirements of being an ate/onee-chan (others would constitute nagging and bossing around). But that doesn't mean I don't need my share of comfort too. Sometimes I just get tired of putting on this brave face so everyone around me doesn't get scared. Alas, I'm not allowed to just quit; I'm now (partly) responsible for everyone in the house. At least I don't pay the bills.
I just wish this year would pass by faster than a speeding bullet. Yes, faster even than Superman.
Lukas Podolski is Best Young Player for Germany 2006!
Yay! :)
View article here:
http://fifaworldcup.yahoo.com/06/en/060706/1/8mta.html.
I know I have a history paper to do, but I can't help posting this.
Zinedine Zidane rules!
I hope France will win in the finals. Zidane, who'll be retiring from football after this tournament, deserves to go out with a bang. His name deserves to be placed among the football legends the likes of Diego Maradona. For him, age is not a hindrance; instead it is the measure of experience that made him a true football maestro.
Go France! :)
P.S. Here's hoping Miroslav Klose will win the Golden Shoe... :D
