This way to the stars

Like father, like daughter

It was my dad's birthday last Saturday. We didn't have a party; we didn't even have a special family dinner in some fancy restaurant. My dad is the epitome of the workaholic; he doesn't take vacations if he can help it. I guess he was working all day during his birthday (but maybe they did throw him a bash at the office...not sure though). So we didn't really get to spend time with him. In fact, the only time we spend "quality time" with dad is during Sundays.

That said, I kinda had difficulty thinking what to write in the birthday card we were supposed to give him. I mean, I don't know what exactly was going on in his life; I sure as hell don't understand business-speak (like IPOs, investments and all that crap). But then, I know a lot about his character, because he's a lot like me. We're extremely private, we value our "alone-time", we're not expressive of our feelings, and we generally do not meddle in other people's business. We both tend to act like know-it-alls, and we aspire for achievements because they bolster our self-esteem. We feel that other people don't really need to be updated on every new development in our lives; it's just important that people trust that we have responsibility for our actions. I guess I don't really mind the distance, because I understand him.

My mom pointed out to me that I'm becoming more and more like my dad as I grow up, as shown in the similarities in our behavior and personal preferences. I've started to read his magazines (Time, Fortune, and BusinessWeek), and I'm as hooked on them as he is (I'm starting to understand the business-speak). When we're working or watching TV in the living room after a stressful day, we tend to shoo away people in order to relax in a quiet, peaceful, solitary environment (poor mom, she always gets shooed away, but we tell her not to take it personally). We both like action/suspense movies and hate sappy romances. We're careful when it comes to money and meticulous about saving it.

Of course, we do have differences (since I'm my own person after all and I also have my mom's genes). I highly doubt that my dad will ever read gothic horror Anne Rice novels (if he did, he might forbid me to read them ever again...heehee). He detests cartoons because he thinks they're juvenile and backward. He doesn't love Star Wars as much as I do (I inherited the Star Wars, Anne Rice and comic book mania from my mother's side). Although, it kinda surprised me when he started to like Justice League after watching some episodes with me, even going so far as to implicitly declare that Superman was his favorite character (maybe he identifies himself with him...oh the ego of men).

So my dad is mostly passive and I mainly feel his influence through the behavioral qualities we share. But that doesn't mean he didn't spare me the fatherly pep-talk we all go through. As private as he is, he often gives me and my sis advice because he likes to feel that he has done his share of guidance. Because of the similarities in our outlook, I've rarely heard him say anything I didn't already know (my mom's the one who teaches me the more practical stuff), but of course it's nice to know he cares so much, especially about our future. His favorite quote is "history man, history," that you should rise above mediocrity in order to leave a legacy, thus giving meaning to your life (of course, we don't take this too seriously).

So when I had figured out all this, I wrote to him that although we don't spend a lot of quality time due to his responsibilities at work, and although we don't normally express our feelings due to our loner behavior, we're always assured of our trust and love for one another. For us, parties and chit-chat aren't that important; words are less important than the understanding and empathy we share.

posted by steph @ 10:09 PM