This way to the stars

Much ado about nothing

Ok. I had a very WEIRD text exchange with Lola Eden this morning. It started about 7am and it was based on the simple event last night, when raj ate a lot of chippy and quake cakes before 6pm and didn't want to eat his tocino for dinner (needless to say, he CRIED). When this happened, I told Lola "A kaya pala ayaw kumain ni raj. Ayaw kasi niya ng tocino eh." And then Lola said "Si ate kc yung nag handa niyan...blah blah...". However, when tam and I asked him what he liked to eat, raj said "want hotdog!". So tam cooked him hotdog and I watched over raj. (I seem to watch over raj a lot these days.)

It was also brought about by a lot of issues in the house - like the water dispenser being unplugged because papa wanted to save energy because we had 2 refs now. And of course, the thing about raj's chips and merienda being kept by lola in places where he can't get them so that he won't waste and play with them, nor eat his snacks at will.

Ok. Here was the text exchange, verbatim:

Lola: "Gud am. If u thot I unpluuged h20 dispenser u r wrong. If u thot I cooked dat tocino 4 raj rong agen. Kc cooked dat 4 4ajn sed som wud b his baon 2day. If u tink i withold chichiria from raj by keeping it in a place he can c but cant reach at ginugutom ko cya, wrong again. Even babies hav feeding tym. even in school raj is not fed every min. Dey hav fiding tym. remember when u confronted me kawawa naman c raj walang pagkain n i gav u P500? but i tink u did...raj must stil had [enough] fud den. U must also use ur head n not blieve evrything a maid sez or else u go down 2 der level. ok, i mite just as wel giv u anoder chance or else i freak out. hav a gud day. i luv u. u r my grandchild"

Comment: I think lola is getting really paranoid, because 2 out of her 3 guesses were wrong and totally UNFOUNDED. I did NOT think that she unplugged the water dispenser. I was only asking the maids who did it, and in turn the maids asked her, and they told me it was papa. I did NOT think that she cooked tocino for raj last night, because SHE HERSELF told me that ate kc did it. And frankly, I didn't even care about who did what. I just ASKED, dammit! But I DID think that she kept raj's food in a high place, and I WAS NOT WRONG, because I SAW IT myself when I and Tam just arrived from the states. I saw raj's food kept on top of the her closet, still in the grocery bags. I didn't just rely on whatever the maids tell me. I'd be stupid to do that. Lord knows, me and tam changed that na.

Me: "If ure only reluctntly givng us "another chance", then dont, assumng that we have wasted our first ones. D point is not how wel we adjest 2 us, bt how u adjust 2 us."

Am I not wrong? She's just here to take care of US, and not to have her way with everything. I mean, for example, she doesn't cook the food we like. Als, the parquet floor of the living room is sticky because she INSISTS on using pronto to polish it, kasi daw ang pledge pang furniture lang. HELLO?! Pronto is only used for tiled floors!!!! And she insists on just buying one greenex a week to clean ALL OUR THREE BATHROOMS a day. Impossible!

I don't deserve her condescencion, because I didn't do anything to begin with! Her accusations are nothing more than stupid suspicions.

Lola Eden: ***Naerase ko yung message (accidentally), but I remember that she said that the only reason that she stayed in the house was because papa insisted so. "I never wanted to stay. I am old and need peace".

Me: "Then why didnt you tell papa that u didnt want to? Come to thnk of it, why didnt you tel me directly what u had to say, and not through text?"

I hate it when people confront me through text. It means that they don't have the courage to confront and argue with a person face to face. But why is she afraid? For all her condescencion, one would have thought that she deems herself far wiser and superior to me. I really don't understand her.

Me: "E diba you did keep the food where raj can't reach it? For my part i think its impt 2 give raj choices bec he cant always fully communicate his needs."

And that's true. Though raj can speak, he sometimes does not know what words to use to express a specific need.

Lola Eden: "In dis world der is what u call symbiotic relationship, u cant just give n give nor receive and recieve."

Just so you know, that is not the real and complete definition ng symbiotic relationship. But I digress. That's beside the point.

Lola Eden: "Of course in a place he can c but cant reach. What were we there for? 3maids then n me. U mean we eat n raj dont? (Notice her fantastic jump to a weird conclusion). u know d comment of one teacher? He is ok but he seems spoiled. We r der 2 ask n 2 offer. so much is wasted which is also wrong n which may mean nothing 2 him even in later years. We shld prepare him 4 any EVENTUALITY HANDICAP AS HE IS NOW."

That was the part that REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY got to me. Raj is NOT handicapped! In fact, from my own observation, I think he's smart, sensitive, perceptive, and methodical. Lola seems to underestimate raj's capability to understand, to perceive, to doubt, and to make his own choices. I think (it's not proven ha!) that she sees autism as if it was retardation - WHICH IT IS NOT. Dammit. Raj can't learn anything by himself if you spoonfeed him! Autistic people are SMART and SPECIAL - it's just that they perceive the world in a different way!

Me: "I read a book on autism and it said the best way to make an autistic child independent and self-reliant is to give him CHOICES. But of course they shouldnt be out of place. Please note that me and tham didnt give raj any more fud when it was nearing dinr tym. And when raj didnt lyk tocino, we asked him if he wanted hotdog and he said yes."

I received no more replies to this message. And that was good, because I was in school by that time and I didn't want to be bothered with her suspicious nonsense anymore.

I hate it that she didn't just talk to me directly. Why the HELL did she have to act so CHILDISH?!? She's bearing non-existent grudges in her overimaginative mind, dammit! She's too suspicious! And I hated it that she chose to speak out through the SAFE and UNCONFRONTATIONAL way - through text. Its so CONFUSING to argue with someone through text because you miss out on the CONTEXT - you don't get a clear picture of what the other side is really thinking and feeling because you miss out on the tone of voice, facial expression, the spontaneity, and besides you're too constricted by the limited space you're given to write a text message.

The problem with lola is that she assumes too much!

And because her argument is based almost wholly on suspicions and assumptions, then this whole text exchange is ONE BIG MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING!

And my whole day was ruined, because I received her first damn message right after I woke up at 7 am!

I told papa about this whole text thing a while ago. I said: "Hindi ko siya maintindihan! Why does she hold grudges when I don't really care about her and I don't think about her that way or that much, etc, etc, etc".

Dad said: "hindi ko rin siya maintindihan. Ganyan talaga lola mo, childish ang isip niya. Pati ako nung bata ako hindi ko rin siya maintindihan. Ganyan talaga yan, hanggang cellphone lang din siya sakin. Baka natatakot kasi. Wag mo nalang patulan...It's ok...Don't mind her nalang. Forward mo nalang sakin pag may tinetext siyang ganyan..."

I didn't expect this answer! I really thought that he would be the mama's boy again, that he would side totally and unequivocally with Lola. I never thought that dad would empathize! But it's nice to know that Tam and I are not the only ones in this family who are BOTHERED, ANNOYED AND CONFUSED by Lola's baffling, complicated, suspicious, and paranoid style of argument and attitude.

Hell! I'm not going to let her ruin my life! She's not worth it. She's not worth all this wasted time, energy, thoughts, anxiety.....and RAGE.

posted by steph @ 12:32 AM