I think I am going to have my First Fun, Friendly, Fantastic, Fantabulous
F in Filipino tomorrow.
I am soooo looking forward to it. NOT!
Our class was assigned by Mr. Coroza, the Terror of the Filipino Department, to read
Language, Meaning, and Interpretation, the fourth chapter in Jonathan Culler's book
Literary Theory: A Very Short Introduction, because he'll be giving a quiz on that tomorrow.
But wait! Do I hear wondering whispered voices? Because
why the hell is Mr. Coroza giving us a Tagalog quiz on a hellish, complicated, and convoluted English article?!?Because confusing and convoluted the text really is. It contained such a barrage of information and discussions presented in such a technical and over-analytical way that it produced a veritable
mind-numbing effect on the reader (who happened to be ME).
Here is an excerpt of the text.
"Saussure distinguishes the system of a language (la langue) from particular instances of speech and writing (parole). The task of linguistics is to reconstruct the underlying system (or grammar) of a language that makes possible the speech events or parole. This involves a further distinction between synchronic study of a language (focusing on a language as a system at a particular time, present or past) and diachronic study, which looks at the historical changes to particular elements of the language."Now, didn't that get your brain fried?
I could hardly even understand the English text; how in the hell am I going to answer Mr. Coroza's all-essay-type quiz in Tagalog?
That is why I am bracing myself for My First F. Good luck.
Boredom kills...the mind. As of 2:15 pm I am officially
braindead..
I'm here in the CTC computer lab in our school, killing the 5-hour break time (9:30am-2:20pm) that is the curse of free cuts in filipino and math (free cuts are usually fun, but this is one time that I wish I had classes just to get my brain up and running). Might I say that this travesty wouldn't have happened if I wasn't noble enough to attend the unrequired first meeting of INTACT which starts at 8:30am?! Also, might I say that the computer in this particular lab is really
slow?! Man, I thought our computer was bad; this is definitely much,
much worse.
Yup. I am officially, clinically, spiritually, mind-numbingly dead.
Who would have thought that free cuts could be so boring, especially when you're stuck in school?Take note: I spent more time today doing absolutely NOTHING than actually attending my classes.
Think about that. But then again, I'd rather not. As I said, I'm braindead.
How will I ever sit through my next English classes?!
Oh, the relentless extension of BOREDOM!And how will I ever muster enough will and brainpower to do my Botany paper and study for the quiz?!
Maluwag nga sa college. Somehow, I find myself wishing for my high school's strangulation study habits instead.
We had our botany lab session today from 7:30-11:30 - FOUR STRAIGHT HOURS OF SQUINTING THROUGH A MICROSCOPE trying to find obscure, elusive, tiny, and TRANSPARENT crystals inside plant cells.
Needless to say, it wasn't easy. And besides, since the session was so damned early, I only got to sleep for FOUR STINKING HOURS. Thus, by 12 noon (and I hadn't eaten by then either) I was almost in a knockout mode. It was a good thing that Dr. Chan didn't show for our Botany lab class at 12pm; I haven't experienced migraine yet and I didn't want to start right then.
But that is only half of the story. Read on.
I had my taekwondo class from 2pm to 3pm. It was easy because I already knew the lesson: downward blocking, upper blocking, forward stance, the kicks. It was totally easy-peasy. So maybe you'll wonder why the hell I was so damned exhausted during that very mild one-hour session when I have experienced far more intense two-hour sessions during my Saturday taekwondo lessons.
Hmm. Maybe because the martial arts room was freakkin hot and stuffy with almost no ventilation. Maybe because I found (to my utter horror!) that my cold and newly-bought water bottle had gone into hiding just when I needed it during the precious minute-long water break. Maybe because the ladies' bathroom and changing room was superbly and fantastically humid such that my sweat would be running like a river if I don't wipe my face every minute. Maybe because I only used tissue (which, curiously, was unabsorbent in this case) to wipe my sweaty face because I lent my beloved and much-needed towel to a blockmate in trouble (though I don't regret that).
And, oh yeah, before I forget to add this little tidbit that will finish of this list of woes nicely:
By using a fair, equitable, and scientific method (i.e. "
maalis taya"), our botany lab group selected a leader for the next two lab reports (i.e. the one who will do all the work). And GUESS WHAT? It was me.
I might as well appreciate this early introduction to Report Stress, since lab reports are bound to get harder as the topics deepen. Time to get cracking and press my Brain's
on button.
Hmm. Is it just me or does the button refuse to work?
I'm ok. I'm ok.
I'm OK.Mom and Dad both sympathized with me over this Lola issue, and they both said the same thing:
just ignore her. It's not worth getting on her bad side, because she might just spread her gossipy much-doctored sad story from her side to the whole family such that they'll see me as an arrogant, disrespectful, ungrateful, and spoiled BRAT. Which I am not. I'm just looking out for myself and my siblings.
But this is not going to be
Much Ado About Nothing, Part 2.In fact, this day was actually tolerable, apart from the phone line busting and I had to go to an expensive internet cafe so that I could email my mom and send my research for the lab report to my groupmate in botany.
Ate KC actually got around to cooking my long-desired yet elusive spaghetti with meatballs, WITHOUT interference from my dear Lola (which is a first!). Maybe mom and dad talked to them and set things right for us.
It was our first session in PE 131 (Taekwondo) today. Though it was hot and humid in the martial arts room with my uniform on, we mostly did the easy basics: kicking, punching, stretching, etc. It wasn't hard for me at all because I already know them (and I've done them more times and under more extreme circumstances), though I think my other classmates got really exhausted after the lesson. Plus, by a fascinating twist of fate, my teacher is Coach Jec, my taekwondo instructor in Megamall. Coolers!
We've got a quiz and a homework in botany, though it's not as heavy as the legendary PILES of homework I had to sift through and accomplish during my days in St. Paul. In fact, I'm finding college life rather
loose and easy - but EXPENSIVE. We just had word that our blessed Botany book is going to cost a whopping P2000, and we'll only be using it for one blasted semester. Cripes.
I'll go and fill my plate with heaps of that long-desired spaghetti with meatballs. My mouth waters at the thought! Finally, no tocino-like messes for dinner!
Ok. I had a very WEIRD text exchange with Lola Eden this morning. It started about 7am and it was based on the simple event last night, when raj ate a lot of chippy and quake cakes before 6pm and didn't want to eat his tocino for dinner (needless to say, he CRIED). When this happened, I told Lola
"A kaya pala ayaw kumain ni raj. Ayaw kasi niya ng tocino eh." And then Lola said
"Si ate kc yung nag handa niyan...blah blah...". However, when tam and I asked him what he liked to eat, raj said
"want hotdog!". So tam cooked him hotdog and I watched over raj. (I seem to watch over raj a lot these days.)
It was also brought about by a lot of issues in the house - like the water dispenser being unplugged because papa wanted to save energy because we had 2 refs now. And of course, the thing about raj's chips and merienda being kept by lola in places where he can't get them so that he won't waste and play with them, nor eat his snacks at will.
Ok. Here was the text exchange, verbatim:
Lola: "Gud am. If u thot I unpluuged h20 dispenser u r wrong. If u thot I cooked dat tocino 4 raj rong agen. Kc cooked dat 4 4ajn sed som wud b his baon 2day. If u tink i withold chichiria from raj by keeping it in a place he can c but cant reach at ginugutom ko cya, wrong again. Even babies hav feeding tym. even in school raj is not fed every min. Dey hav fiding tym. remember when u confronted me kawawa naman c raj walang pagkain n i gav u P500? but i tink u did...raj must stil had [enough] fud den. U must also use ur head n not blieve evrything a maid sez or else u go down 2 der level. ok, i mite just as wel giv u anoder chance or else i freak out. hav a gud day. i luv u. u r my grandchild"Comment: I think lola is getting really paranoid, because 2 out of her 3 guesses were wrong and totally UNFOUNDED. I did NOT think that she unplugged the water dispenser. I was only asking the maids who did it, and in turn the maids asked her, and they told me it was papa. I did NOT think that she cooked tocino for raj last night, because SHE HERSELF told me that ate kc did it. And frankly, I didn't even care about who did what. I just ASKED, dammit! But I DID think that she kept raj's food in a high place, and I WAS NOT WRONG, because I SAW IT myself when I and Tam just arrived from the states. I saw raj's food kept on top of the her closet, still in the grocery bags. I didn't just rely on whatever the maids tell me. I'd be stupid to do that. Lord knows, me and tam changed that na.
Me: "If ure only reluctntly givng us "another chance", then dont, assumng that we have wasted our first ones. D point is not how wel we adjest 2 us, bt how u adjust 2 us."Am I not wrong? She's just here to take care of US, and not to have her way with everything. I mean, for example, she doesn't cook the food we like. Als, the parquet floor of the living room is sticky because she INSISTS on using pronto to polish it, kasi daw ang pledge pang furniture lang. HELLO?! Pronto is only used for tiled floors!!!! And she insists on just buying one greenex a week to clean ALL OUR THREE BATHROOMS a day. Impossible!
I don't deserve her condescencion, because I didn't do anything to begin with! Her accusations are nothing more than stupid suspicions.
Lola Eden: ***Naerase ko yung message (accidentally), but I remember that she said that the only reason that she stayed in the house was because papa insisted so.
"I never wanted to stay. I am old and need peace".Me: "Then why didnt you tell papa that u didnt want to? Come to thnk of it, why didnt you tel me directly what u had to say, and not through text?"I hate it when people confront me through text. It means that they don't have the courage to confront and argue with a person face to face. But why is she afraid? For all her condescencion, one would have thought that she deems herself far wiser and superior to me. I really don't understand her.
Me: "E diba you did keep the food where raj can't reach it? For my part i think its impt 2 give raj choices bec he cant always fully communicate his needs."And that's true. Though raj can speak, he sometimes does not know what words to use to express a specific need.
Lola Eden: "In dis world der is what u call symbiotic relationship, u cant just give n give nor receive and recieve."Just so you know, that is not the real and complete definition ng symbiotic relationship. But I digress. That's beside the point.
Lola Eden: "Of course in a place he can c but cant reach. What were we there for? 3maids then n me. U mean we eat n raj dont? (Notice her fantastic jump to a weird conclusion).
u know d comment of one teacher? He is ok but he seems spoiled. We r der 2 ask n 2 offer. so much is wasted which is also wrong n which may mean nothing 2 him even in later years. We shld prepare him 4 any EVENTUALITY HANDICAP AS HE IS NOW."That was the part that
REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY got to me. Raj is NOT handicapped! In fact, from my own observation, I think he's smart, sensitive, perceptive, and methodical. Lola seems to underestimate raj's capability to understand, to perceive, to doubt, and to make his own choices. I think (it's not proven ha!) that she sees autism as if it was retardation - WHICH IT IS NOT. Dammit. Raj can't learn anything by himself if you spoonfeed him! Autistic people are SMART and SPECIAL - it's just that they perceive the world in a different way!
Me: "I read a book on autism and it said the best way to make an autistic child independent and self-reliant is to give him CHOICES. But of course they shouldnt be out of place. Please note that me and tham didnt give raj any more fud when it was nearing dinr tym. And when raj didnt lyk tocino, we asked him if he wanted hotdog and he said yes."I received no more replies to this message. And that was good, because I was in school by that time and I didn't want to be bothered with her suspicious nonsense anymore.
I hate it that she didn't just talk to me directly. Why the HELL did she have to act so CHILDISH?!? She's bearing non-existent grudges in her overimaginative mind, dammit! She's too suspicious! And I hated it that she chose to speak out through the SAFE and UNCONFRONTATIONAL way - through text. Its so CONFUSING to argue with someone through text because you miss out on the
CONTEXT - you don't get a clear picture of what the other side is really thinking and feeling because you miss out on the tone of voice, facial expression, the spontaneity, and besides you're too constricted by the limited space you're given to write a text message.
The problem with lola is that she assumes too much!And because her argument is based almost wholly on suspicions and assumptions, then this whole text exchange is
ONE BIG MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING!And my whole day was ruined, because I received her first damn message right after I woke up at 7 am!
I told papa about this whole text thing a while ago. I said:
"Hindi ko siya maintindihan! Why does she hold grudges when I don't really care about her and I don't think about her that way or that much, etc, etc, etc".
Dad said:
"hindi ko rin siya maintindihan. Ganyan talaga lola mo, childish ang isip niya. Pati ako nung bata ako hindi ko rin siya maintindihan. Ganyan talaga yan, hanggang cellphone lang din siya sakin. Baka natatakot kasi. Wag mo nalang patulan...It's ok...Don't mind her nalang. Forward mo nalang sakin pag may tinetext siyang ganyan..."I didn't expect this answer! I really thought that he would be the mama's boy again, that he would side totally and unequivocally with Lola. I never thought that dad would empathize! But it's nice to know that Tam and I are not the only ones in this family who are BOTHERED, ANNOYED AND CONFUSED by Lola's baffling, complicated, suspicious, and paranoid style of argument and attitude.
Hell! I'm not going to let her ruin my life! She's not worth it.
She's not worth all this wasted time, energy, thoughts, anxiety.....and RAGE.
I never thought college would be this much fun.
In fact, I never thought that it would be fun - at all.
During the days before the orsem I was totally apprehensive. Wait, make that nervous, clammy, butterflies-in-the-stomach anxious..because of my Fear of Socializing. I just saw our block list in the Hauoli Yahoo groups, and - wonder of wonders - I was the single damn Paulinian in the block. Damn. I didn't know anyone to begin with. In other words, I had to..MAKE. NEW. FRIENDS. I had to be a newbie l'il freshman all over again, just after I've experienced the joys (and the perks!) of being a senior in high school.
But I guess being a Freshie isn't all that bad (despite our being virtually treated like slave workers with the TNTs' incessant cries of
"Mobe! Mobe!"). For one thing, our TNT Tantan was totally cool; his super friendly nature provided the much needed icebreakers during those vital first days (I never thought homosexuals could be
this much fun!). And my blockmates were sociable, laid-back, and accommodating - in other words,
they were not the snooty vain elitist people I expected to find in Ateneo. Sure, some of my blockmates were rich, but they sure were humble.
It's a good thing I like my blockmates this much, because I'll be spending the next four long years with them.The only thing I'm having trouble with now is navigating the large campus of Ateneo (and the buildings all look the same too!), and the virtual abscence of AIRCONDITIONERS. Thank God Bio 11 was assigned to one of the few airconditioned lecture halls!
I don't regret now that I went to Ateneo instead of UP. I don't expect that I'll find the same bonds and
camaraderie between the fiercely proud, independent, and rather
radical people in UP.
But still, this isn't gonna be easy. Chances are....I just MIGHT get a low grade in Botany if I don't pull my act tightly together, because our teacher's a PhD. I think I might have to study harder than ever before, and I'm facing some stiff competition from my apparently smart classmates. I'll have some catching up to do; I'm already expecting the worst; I hope I don't get a C+ on my first sem! (Unimaginable!).
I can do this.
I can DO this. College is supposed to be FUN, remember?
I only wish that I knew how to commute on my own so that I wouldn't have to be trapped in a tight schedule with the inflexible driver. In fact, I wish I knew how to DRIVE already. Anyway, college is all about INDEPENDENCE, right?
